1. Romantic working lunch for seven.
2. Leaving pair of pink furry handcuffs for each of the secretaries.
3. Hating anybody who gets flowers delivered.
4. Checking if flower delivery guy has plans for tonight.
5. Serving up a bowl of Corporate Jargon Conversation Hearts.
6. Waiting on top of photocopier with long-stemmed rose between our teeth.
7. Waiting in backseat of office crush's car with box of chocolates and ski mask.
8. Consoling best friend in ladies room.
9. Wearing this to staff meeting:
Under this:
10. Signing off all emails with excerpt from Gustave Flaubert's 1846 love letter to his wife:
I will cover you with love when next I see you,
with caresses, with ecstasy.
I want to gorge you with all the joys of the flesh,
so that you faint and die.
