Twas The Week Before Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas, at every one's job
Not a creature is working, not Richard nor Bob.
Amazon, Zappos, and eBay we're shopping
Minimized with a click when the boss comes a' knocking.

JCPenney.com you think that you spied?
Of course not, Sir, that's your PowerPoint slides.
Now it's off to a two hour lunch and some drinks
Followed, to be honest, by forty afternoon winks.

But over by reception there arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
Away to the front desk I flew like a bird
Pushed aside Carl and shoved past some nerd!

Two more gift baskets had just been delivered
The cheese being ransacked, the sausages slivered.
When what to my wondering eyes was revealed?
A client with the foresight to send Mrs. Fields!

With peanut butter, chocolate, and Macadamia nuts,
I knew in a moment we'd fill up our guts.
More rapid than eagles they coursed down our throats
Our teeth snugly wrapped in their sugary coats.

"Now Marilyn! Now Amber! Now get back to work!
On Susan! On Celia! I pay you, you jerks!"
It's the boss come back early to spoil our fun
Not to worry, my friends, he's got more meetings at one.

We shall run out to Starbucks for lattes so tall,
That the clients won't get their Fed Exes at all.
Sixteen new voice mails that shall never be heard
Face facts you losers, it's December twenty-third!

Dictation tapes lay in an unwanted pile
My filing could stretch down the road half a mile.
But it all will be here when the holiday's through
So screw it for now. That's it. Woo hoo!

The clock turns to five and we sprint to our rides
The icy grip of the office still nipping our hides.
And you'll hear us exclaim, as we peel out of Hell

"Happy Christmas to all! Don't you dare call my cell!"